John Mulaney quotes I identify with
on a deep, spiritual, personal level:
- “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
- “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
- “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
- “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
- “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
- “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
- “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
- “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
- “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
- “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”
(Source: marinebaeology, via dontbeanassbutt)
Tom Holland does Rihanna’s “Umbrella” on Lip Sync Battle
I’m literally zendaya reacting like he didn’t have to go that hard and yet..
every time i watch this when the reveal hits and he starts dancing i’m like “oh ok that ain’t a big deal he’s just another celeb doing a gimmick” but somehow by the end of this video without fail i am filled with respect for him and zendaya for being like…a powerful gen z couple who both give off chaotic bisexual vibes
i think it’s the irreverence with which he splashes the water
that was a classic that was a classic
It’s a good time to remember that Tom Holland is a trained dancer and that initself is a gift
He’s trained in ballet, too, which is what makes this even funnier. I saw a video (also with Zendaya in it) of him doing like, fifteen fouettes in someone’s basement. GET A MAN WHO CAN DO BOTH.
I FOUND IT!!
(via simmykantstandyabitz)
i’m 101% sure that this entire line was improv and tom couldn’t help it
(via hotboyproblems)
Baby Nifflers
Reblog if you agree
let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation
Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out
fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done
let’s clean one up for the janitors
(via dontbeanassbutt)
Can you believe that “Treat yo self” from Parks + Rec became so iconic that people now use it as an excuse to plunge themselves into debt
it be like that sometimes
(via dontbeanassbutt)
Fun fact: cats don’t just wiggle their butts before they pounce out of excitement - they’re also making tiny adjustments to the position of their feet in order to more precisely aim the ensuing lunge.
Or, in other words: your cat is calibrating.
Loading pounce.exe
Initiating…
Analyzing target coordinates
Trajectory adjustments required, initiate calibration protocol wigglebutt.exe
Wiggling…
Wiggling…
Calibration complete. Initiating pounce in 3…
2…
1…
Pounce initiated
Results: Slammed head first into wall. Please debug wigglebutt.exe
(via dontbeanassbutt)
I drew this a while ago for my husband when he was feeling down. If you’ve been having a hard time, I hope it gets better soon. You’re not alone. Sending pidgey hugs
(via crankybunny)
Casting director: we need the voice of pikachu to be a recognized name. It’s going to be tough to find a respectable actor wh
Ryan Reynolds: ME
Ryan Reynolds: I’LL DO IT
Ryan Reynolds: PIKA PIKA MOTHER FUCKER
(via dontbeanassbutt)